.wh

things aren't as bad as i always think they'd be.
perhaps the "hope for the best & prepare for the worst" applies to me so much that i'd hate to lose, but will then hate myself for hating to lose later on.
given my character, i tend to potray situation in the most exaggerated manner possible. to gain pity, to make myself sound important, to garner attention - i have no idea. what i know at that moment was that i've not given my very best, and i'm going through hell because of that.
and so, i blame myself. for this plight. that plight. and every plights that'll surface in the future. or just in my visions. or in my dreams. nightmares to be exact.